Bad Time Of Year

I am really becoming to hate this f**king time of year. This time of year, feels as though I am on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't know whether to be f**king happy or f**king sad.

I should be happy because it is Christmas time and I have my darling Princess Madds here with me this year and we are also coming up to her 8th Birthday soon. But all I want to do is f**king curl up in my bed and watch life pass me by.

Today, we have the 6th anniversary of my Uncle Eugenes death. It has always been a hard day since the day that he left this world. I miss him more than anything in this world. He was my saviour. He knew the real me and he loved me for who I really am. I don't feel complete with him not being here and not being a part of our lives. Today is a day that I dread. It is the day that I didn't get to say that final goodbye. I never got to tell him everything that I wanted to say. I never got to tell him that I loved him that final time. It is like my heart is breaking again. I thought that the pain was supposed to get easier. It doesn't!! The pain never f**king goes away.

I then get through the agony of losing someone so precious and then the 29th rolls around and I am completely f**ked over emotionally again. I lost something almost as precious last year and now I have to relive that again, like I will have to relive every year for the rest of my life. And to have to relive the whole thing on my own sucks. It really f**king sucks, but hey that is how life is and how certain people are!!

My friends and family are noticing a change in me and they don't know what to do or how to help. To be honest, I don't think much is going to f**king help. It is all f**ked up and I just have to survive the days and get on with it. If I knew how to make everything better I would do it!! So basically I am trying to apologise to all my mates for my foul f**king mood for the next few weeks, please bare with me, I will be happy again one day.

Anyway I thought I would post the lyrics to a song that makes me think of my Uncle Eug.

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
'thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in
(May angels lead you in)
May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God couldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

- Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me